getting started...

ok. so ive been wanting to start a blog for a while. not in hopes that anyone will read of even care... but mainly cause i get really bad hand cramps and this will serve as a diary. i normally detest technology... however, i write slowly and my brain moves faster than my hands can write. so... for the sake of anyone reading this. i warn you... im a bit of a nutcase.  no more than any other female... just in my own special way. so... let me see... though this is a diary... i should start from the basics. im 25. i have the most free spirited almost 4 year old. hes nuts... gets it from me. i am divorced. of course... im bitter. ive lost most of my hope in humanity... except for the few friends i have and well... lets just say that i have a bit of a problem with getting myself into traumatic situations.

i could relate all of this to my radical childhood, but lets face it, im a grown ass woman... i can only blame myself. sure, the older i  get, the more like my mother i become, but i look at this as a positive thing. shes pretty bad ass. she knows i make a lot of  dumb decisions but she sticks by me. shes kind of like my hero. shes tuff as nails and has been through more shit in her life than any other woman i know... personally anyways. sometimes she comes out in me at the worst times though. she is like the queen of head games. she has never let a man or anyone for that matter get away with anything. i admire her for that. she always sticks up for herself... and for being a little old italian woman... she still scares the shit out of me. there is so much stuff i wish i could tell her... but i dont want to dissapoint her. i know, i know, she doesnt ever judge me, but shes the only person who i care what they think about me is.

moving on... love life... ive given up. i thought about internet dating... due to the lack  of leaving the house with my boy... but when i think about it, the first thing that comes to mind is AIDS. bars.. well... lets face it. bar boys are DOUCHE BAGS and also makes me think of AIDS. i do go to the gym... however... boys on steroids kind of scare me. i mean, and really. if you cant even hold your penis while you piss... how can i expect excellence from that. this brings us to the same sex option. well... first of all. i dont like girls. they are mean and hateful. i know this is  fact because i am one. i am mean and hateful. just mean and hateful  on the inside. i think that will be my main purpose of this. everything i bite my tongue on. i shall speak (type) here.

i have a story. i was engaged not long ago. he was perfect. we were perfect. everything was perfect. there was a problem. perfect doesnt fucking exist. youd think id know this being that i have been divorced and a slut most of my life. ill touch that later... but yea. it doesnt. so on my 25th birthday, my whole world came crashing down. the dickhead decided he couldnt ever be married again or have anymore children.. for you men out there, dont propose to a girl if you dont have any intention of actually marrying her. but for some of us this does work  out...ebay is amazing and engagement rings can actually help with downpayments for houses. just sayin.. anyways... im getting off  track. ok. so i decided it didnt matter. i could be someones life  partner and never have anymore kids. so this last a few months. well... then that wasnt good enough. there were too many things he had to accomplish, and he couldnt do them living with me... so my 30 yr old man moved in with his grandmother. he wanted to help her living situation blah blah blah. ok. so he moves in with her. before he moves out i get a call he is cheating on me with this trashy bitch whom we shall call cunt. well... dickhead denies any of this and i, like the schmuck i am, believe him. so... obviously things didnt work out. i never saw him, he never really made time for me. so we broke up. low and behold cunt and dickhead start dating. so... i ... like the bitch i am... well... i  got angry. when i get angry. i  get even. so. me and dickhead have a secret friendship. completely innocent. really.. it was. well.. that doesnt really work when you are dating a cunt and you had a lilly. so.. we had a short lived affair. very shortlived. id say about 3 wks short lived. enough to please my vindictive side. so cunt gets suspiscious. and gets insecure... which she should be. but anywho. she starts pulling the strings a little tighter around his balls. this is impressive cause the man has huge balls. so he drops me completely. he doesnt want the drama, he wants to get through school and have somewhere to sleep instead of his gma roomie. typical. this is how we started out..  only... he didnt live with gma.  so yesterday i was faced with a very hard decision. do i fuck up his plans like he fucked up mine? or do i be the bigger person and let him be miserable with cunt. i took the highroad... atleast for now. plus... its satisfactory enough that he thinks of me everytime he is with her. i know this because this is how she got whim. he mentioned my name while fucking cunt. what can i  say?! ive had practice.

so. my story doesnt really have a conclusion.. not yet anyway. but i  have been blocked from the cyber world of cunt and dickhead. social networking. fuck man. you might as well return to middle school and start the silent treatment. cause i always win. but yea. i just really wanted to get that out there. its frusterating not to be able to be public about this shit... not on a popular site like fb.

i guess that is enough for one day. though i have sooo much more to bitch about. i shal save it for another blog. and im sorry for anyone who just read all of this. hopefully you were a fast reader and this didnt waste too much of your life.